I am not an ill-willed person

banknote:

Plot twist: Your eyeliner goes right the first time

(via hephaestuselbow)

truckzilla:

brandisbigbootybitches:

im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play

i think you mean paranormal activity

upgraders:

It’s weird that pirates would go from shore to shore looking for buried treasure when the real treasure was in the friendships they were making

(via edgar-allen-hoe)

poopflow:

roughrimjob:

meladoodle:

she got a pussy like the grand canyon

dry and sandy

possibly filled with dead bodies 

(via sprezzaturaforte)